You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
