Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
