But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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