I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
