If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize