She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
