Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
