chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
