So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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