If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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