Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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