I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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