I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
