I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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