im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
