why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
