Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
