Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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