just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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