Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
