im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
