we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
