hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
