Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
