There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Drunk is not a location!
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