He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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