Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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