I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
