my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
