Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
