I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
