So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There are leaves in my underwear?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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