and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
