drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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