I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize