If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
