I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
