There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
