Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
