We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
