How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
