My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
