Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
