look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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