I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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