I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
