Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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