I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
