Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
false alarm. still invincible.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
