i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
