Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
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I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
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Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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