Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
