Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
