New low: just hacked my moms facebook
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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