obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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