no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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