You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
