I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
