i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
