He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
