Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
