Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
