Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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