So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
