I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
