Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
