i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
