Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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