No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
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Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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