My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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