I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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