She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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