It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
