We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
