Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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