they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You pole danced in your parka.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
