i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
